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The 4 S’s of secure attachment

Safe, soothed, seen and secure


To this day I feel only one of the four.


I’m convinced, whatever happens, I will never feel safe, anywhere. That subject is easy to write down.


Soothed, never, either. I’m trapped in my emotions these days and there is no soothing taking place except from two, Bob and Mariya.


I’m confident that my attachments to both of them are positive and healthy.


Seen and secure. Again, with Bob and Mariya, but not with anything here, among the contents of my book.


The world has never known me well enough to see me. Nor can the world provide security.


Of all ten of my traumas, neglect, molestation, rape, the first bank robbery, miscarriage, marriage and divorce, the second bank robbery, a 30 year headache, 2 strokes and cancer, seven of these episodes were initiated by men who either showed up from out of nowhere or isolated me by telling me that they loved me.


This leaves me with hypervigilance for my surroundings and an ability to loose events that have hurt me from my memory. A strong focus for undefined movements, unexpected shadows, places where people might hide, or being stalked when I’m at the bank.


It also leaves me with a fear of the words I Love You. ‘I love you’ so you can be available as my prey is what those words mean to me, now.


This is something else to work on in therapy.


We hear you,

deMichelle


WIGT, WIGT….what I’m going through while I’m going through it


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Author, Blogger, Codependent, Dancer

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